Drinks and Broken Cars
by SecretArt
Summary: See title
1. Drinks and Broken Cars

Title: Drinks and Broken Cars

Author: Secret Art

Rating: R for sexual references and one swear word

Category: romance, angst

Pairings: Sam/Jack

Spoilers: none, general knowledge of show

Summary: see title

Feedback: can only make me better

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

Author's note: Came to me in the shower… what more do I need to say?

Jack's POV

The movie finishes and you get up, stretching sore muscles that complain from you having sat in the same position for so long.

"Anyone want another?" You ask, holding up your empty beer bottle.

They share looks before Daniel finally answers.

"No, thanks, I'd better be going anyway."

"I'm not sure you're still under the limit" Sam counters half seriously.

"I'll drive," Janet volunteers, waving her arms about, causing the empty wine bottle beside her to fall and roll around on the carpet.

"I believe it would be safer to let me drive." You turn to Teal'c, who raises an eyebrow and you shake your head before tossing him Daniel's car keys.

"Here you go big fella."

Teal'c catches them with ease in one hand before standing and turning to face you and Sam.

"O'Neill, Major Carter, I have most enjoyed this evening."

"Thanks Teal'c."

"Yeah, see ya Danny boy," you yell to Daniel's back, noticing with interest that he has his arm around Janet, and your not sure is he's holding her up, she's holding him up, both, or whether that is what people are supposed to think.

Your gaze moves over to where they were sat, the empty wine and beer bottles, and pray that they don't do anything stupid, or if they do, that they still remember it in the morning.

Moving over to the window you peer out and watch Daniel's car drive off down the road before pulling the curtains shut and turning back to your remaining guest.

She's sat, curled up in your armchair, in the same position she's been in for the whole movie and you wonder how sore her muscles must be. She answers your thought by uncurling herself and standing gracefully, without any hint of cramp or sore muscles.

Looking up at her you notice how the fire light, from the fire you made earlier, reflects off her, giving her an almost picturesque quality.

"Colonel?" She asks, her face showing her confusion at your prolonged silence and you can't help but think how cute she looks.

Realising that you should probably answer you open your mouth to find that all that comes out is "huh?"

"I'd better go too." She points towards the door to make sure that you understand.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." You wonder where you ability to speak sentences has gone, and when she shakes her head at you in amusement you suddenly realise that a lot of your blood has disappeared from your brain, and you try to remember just how much you drank whilst shifting uncomfortably on the spot.

"Goodnight Sir."

You turn round to see her already at the door, coat on, bag in hand, an understanding smile on her face and you wonder if she wants to stay as much as you want her to.

What's left of your brain and other regions are screaming at you to tell her to stay, but instead you smile back at her, reply with "be careful," and walk over to the TV whilst you still have hold over that tiny shred of sanity.

You hear her sigh, disappointed, before opening the door and slamming it slightly harder than needed on the way out.

You busy yourself with rewinding the tape, and it's only after that tape is back in the box, rewound, that you realise you never heard her car leaving.

Walking to the window you look over to your driveway where her car is still sat, and you can see her in the driver's side, door still open. You watch as she slams her hands on the steering wheel before muttering something, that if your lip reading is right, that looks rather like "shit".

She climbs out of her car, slamming the door closed in what you assume is frustration, and you quickly move away from the window when she starts walking up the path, not wanting her to know you were watching her.

You wait until you hear her knock before finally moving to the door, plastering a surprised look on your face as you open it. "Hey Carter, what's up?"

"My car won't start." You look at her blankly as you know she is an excellent mechanic and has dealt successfully with bigger problems than a car that won't start.

She sighs, annoyed. "It's too dark to see properly. And I am tired and slightly drunk so don't really want to go around messing with the engine anyway."

You move to one side of the door. "You'd better come in then."

Turning round you close the door behind her and silently swear that you will kill your brain if it looses any more blood to down there.

Moving to face her you see her stood uncomfortably in the hall way, looking everywhere but at you.

"You can use the spare bedroom, there should be some t-shirts in one of the drawers."

She smiles her gratitude, "Thank you S.."

"Jack!"

She nods, trying out the word, "Jack."

Your brain looses it's battle for any remaining blood, and thankful for the fact she has already turned round, heading towards the spare room, you try to discreetly sort yourself out.

Confident that your rather large problem is as inconspicuous as it will ever be you look up, just in time to see reach the bedroom door and turn towards you, "Goodnight Jack," and then she's gone.

You drag yourself off in the opposite direction towards your bedroom, before detouring to take a nice cold shower.

Twenty minutes later you get out of the shower and just manage to get yourself dried off and into some sweat pants before collapsing in bed, with just enough strength left to move the covers over you.

Just over an hour after that you are woken up by the TV playing quietly in the other room.

Climbing out of bed you rap your cover around you, wanting to stay warm, and walk towards the noise.

You walk in to find Sam curled up on the settee, cover round her shoulders, staring blankly at the TV.

"Sam?"

She looks up at you, a sadness about her that you hardly ever see.

"Budge over."

She stares at you in confusion but moves anyway, smiling when you sit down next to her; arranging the covers so that hers is over your shoulders and yours covering both laps. She moves closer to you, and rests her head on your shoulder.

She trails her hand over your chest, re-awaking certain body parts. Reaching your pants she brushes over your clearly visible erection, causing you to gasp.

"Nice to see I'm not the only one."

You turn towards her, opening your mouth to speak but instead ending up with Sam's tongue.

Pushing her away using your ever decreasing sanity you stare at her, taking in her eyes, dark with passion and arousal, before her lips are on yours again, and you are almost certain there is an audible snap as your sanity, along with doubts and everything else disappear, leaving just you, her, and a lot of pent up desire.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You wake up, confused about your location until the previous night comes rushing back and you grin against her body. Feeling her start to wake you close your eyes, regulating your breathing so that you appear to still be sleeping, curious as to how she will react. You feel her move slightly before she stills, only her breathing informing you that she is still there.

"Morning," she whispers in your ear.

You open your eyes, finding her face right in front of yours. You raise an eyebrow, silently asking how she knew you were awake.

"I work with you, so I pride myself on being able to tell the difference between you being asleep asleep and pretending asleep." She grins at you and you shake your head fondly.

Suddenly her grin disappears, replaced by a slightly confused look. You watch as realisation dawns on her face, and she jumps up, running down the corridor.

You look around, trying to work out what happened, before getting up and following her down the corridor.

Stopping outside the bathroom you can hear someone being sick inside, so you slowly open the door to find her crouched over the toilet. Grabbing a flannel from by the sink you dampen it before moving over to her and placing the flannel on her neck, cooling her down, and slowly rubbing her back with your free hand.

You loose track of time but eventually she stops, collapsing to the floor exhausted.

She looks at the flannel held in your hand and a sad smile appears. "My mum used to do that." You look down at the flannel, slightly embarrassed. "My dad was never good with stuff like that, so after my mum died…"

"You took care of yourself."

"Yeah."

You hold out your hand and she takes it, using you to pull herself up. You reach over and flush the toilet before opening the cabinet and handing her a spare toothbrush. She smiles her gratitude before moving over to the sink.

"I'll be right outside if you need."

"Thanks."

It's only when you get into the kitchen, ready to make breakfast that you realise your lack of clothing. Laughing to yourself you move into the living room, grabbing the pants off the floor and putting them on. You look round the room and realise that you never tidied up from the night before.

About five minutes later, the room is looking slightly better and you turn to see her leaning against the doorway, watching you with a smile.

You move over to the table, grimacing at the amount of empty bottles and glasses. "How come you were being sick?" You ask, trying not to sound bothered.

You turn your head enough to see her shrug, "hangover."

You turn back to the table. "No one gets a hangover from one glass of wine."

"Daniel used to."

"You're not Daniel. I've seen you and Janet get through three bottles of wine each and be fine in the morning. It's not like you drank any of the wine anyway." You turn towards her and hold up her still full glass from the night before. "Want to try again?" She brushes past you, collecting together her clothes and putting them on under your expectant gaze.

"I'd better go, Janet said she'd pick me up at my place, we're going shopping."

"What about the car?"

She looks down at her feet, "it's fine."

"But last night?"

"I wanted to see what would happen. I knew you'd never let me in for no reason, so I came up with an excuse."

You sigh, silently watching her dress. Grabbing her bag she turns to you, her eyes sad and you open your mouth to say something. Realising that there is nothing to say you turn away, collecting together the remnants of the previous night, only stopping when you hear the door slam shut, waiting until you hear the car leave before dropping to the sofa, pulling one of the blankets to you, smelling the scent uniquely hers, the only reminder of what happened.


	2. Exhaustion and Caring Doctors

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Title: Exhaustion and Caring Doctors

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Author: Secret Art

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E-mail: 

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Website: 

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Date: 3rd April 2004

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Rating: PG-13/R (I'm no good with ratings)

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Category: romance, angst

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Pairings: Sam/Jack

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Spoilers: prequel 'Drinks and Broken Cars'

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Summary: the day after, set immediately after 'Drinks and Broken Cars'

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Archive: where ever you want, I'm not fussy

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Feedback: can only make me better

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Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

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Author's note: This is for everyone that gave feedback and asked for a sequel, here you go. Decided to do this one from Sam's point of view.

You drive home feeling sick yet oddly elated. The previous night had proved to you that before hadn't just been a drunken occurrence, that he really did have feelings for you; either that or he was casually fucking you and pretending to care but you don't honestly believe he could do that.

You drag yourself out of your car, almost dropping your keys whilst trying to lock your car you are that tired.

Getting into your house you go straight to your bed, collapsing on top of it, not bothering to change or even pull the covers back; thanking the General for putting SG-1 on down time for the next few days.

Next morning you are woken by insistent knocking on your front door.

Dragging yourself out of bed and to the hallway you have a passing thought about how awful you must look, and smell.

Opening the door you find Janet, who looks up at you with a sigh.

"Finally, I was starting to wonder if you'd ever answer the door."

You move aside, letting her in, flinching slightly under her glare.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

"No."

"Just no?"

You wander into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. "How about you and Daniel?"

"Sam!"

"What?"

"You haven't told him have you?"

You put the bottle down and move to peer out of the window, watching the world outside. "We going out or what?"

She glares at you, "you're dead on your feet."

You shrug, "I'll put some coffee on."

"No!" She yells, grabbing the jar of coffee out of your hand. "First you are going to have a shower and change into some clean clothes. I'll make you some toast, then you will eat that and go to bed."

"Yes mum," you counter sarcastically, strangely glad that someone else is taking control of your life.

Half an hour later you are sat up in bed, showered and in clean clothes, eating some toast.

She comes over and sits on the edge of the bed. "You really should phone him."

"I know." You look down to the bed, unable to look her in the eye, hearing her shuffle closer.

"You can't hide it forever, he's going to find out eventually, whether you want him to or not."

You sigh, meeting her eyes, silently communicating all your fear, concern and worry.

She leans over, wrapping her arms around you in a motherly hug, another thing you haven't had properly since your mum died. You hug her back, resting your head on her shoulder.

"I'm scared Janet."

"I know honey, but you are going to have to do something, and whatever you decide I want you to know that I'll be here for you."

You move away from Janet, putting distance between the two of you as you finally realise what has to happen.

"Thanks Janet, for everything. I think I'm going to sleep on it and I'll get back to you later."

She gets off the bed, smiling at you. "Sure, I'll let myself out." She walks to your bedroom door, giving you one last check before leaving. You wait until you hear the front door closing before finally giving in to sleep.

You wake up a few hours later feeling refreshed and slightly guilty. You had no intention of telling Janet your plan, and still don't, even though you did promise. If your plan works, you know she'll probably find out when Jack calls her, checking out any missing details. That's one conversation you can't wait to listen to.

Climbing out of bed you shiver slightly, and move over to your wardrobe, pulling out a jumper and tugging it over you.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, no make up, messed up hair, wearing baggy pyjama pants and a jumper. Oh well you think, as you are not trying to make an impression this time, it will be all about what's in your head, and his of course.

Grabbing an apple from the bowl on the table you bite into it as you collect together your car keys, purse and shoes. Passing the phone you consider calling Janet and discussing your plan with her, but that would mean letting her talk you out of it and you need… have to do this.

Taking one last longing look back to your bedroom, the exhaustion from the last few days still with you, you stride out of your house, trying to make yourself appear more confident than you feel.

It takes you five minutes to get into the car and the engine started your hands are shaking so much, and you consider more than once not bothering, but the annoying stubborn side of you argues the fear back down until eventually you have set off, driving straight to his house, trying not to think, concentrating only on the road in front of you so as not to give yourself the chance to talk yourself out of it.

Arriving at his house you sit outside, building your confidence, knowing that he is watching you from the window, probably wondering why you are back so soon.

Opening the door you take a deep breath, and release it, before stepping out of the car, closing the door and locking it before turning to face his house.

Striding up the path you make it appear as if you have no worries in the world, as you need to be able to control the conversation for long enough to get it where you need it to go.

You pause outside his door, fighting back the fear before finally knocking on the door.

He's opened the door before you've had a chance to move your hand back, and you suspect he was waiting behind the door for you.

"Carter?" he asks, his confusion clear by his expression.

"After all this you're still calling me 'Carter'?" you throw back at him, knowing that it sounded harsher then it was meant to be.

He sighs, "ok then, Sam, not that I'm annoyed or anything, but what are you doing here?"

You brush past him, walking straight into his kitchen, pacing slightly as you consider how to phrase your question. "Jack," you start, causing him to raise an amused eyebrow. You keep your face serious and his whole manner changes as he goes from amused to serious. "I need you to tell me exactly how you feel about me, I need to know whether last night was just a fling or based on something more."

He turns away, looking out of the window, "I don't know, I honestly don't know and that's what scares me the most."

You look at him in shock, never having considered this possibility. "This scares you?"

He turns back to face you, "doesn't it scare you?"

"A bit," you admit with a smile before reverting to seriousness, "but not as much as…" You can't finish the sentence, hoping that it will be enough.

"As?"

"I'm pregnant."

His gaze travels from your face to your stomach and back to your face, his mouth open in shock.

"Who? How? When? Last night was too soon."

"Not last night," you sigh, not quite sure how to explain it, "you, sex, four weeks ago."

You can almost see his mind whirring, trying to remember back, before with a blank look he asks "four weeks ago?"

You smile, having already factored this part into your plan, "you don't remember." It is phrased as a question, but the tone of your voice makes certain he understands it as a statement.

"Remember what?"

You look over to his pile of bills, "have you got your phone bill yet?"

"Yes, but what has that got to do with you being pregnant?"

You ignore his question, "let me guess, it was higher than usual."

"Yeah, so?"

"Check four weeks ago, Saturday night."

He walks over to the pile of bills, pulling out the right one, scanning down to the date you said.

"This says I phoned you a few times, for a while as well."

"Technically I phoned you first but yep."

He looks at you, starting to get annoyed, "still not remembering."

You grin, looking forward to seeing him remember. "Let me sum it up for you. Tequila plus me and Jack Daniels plus you equals lots of craziness, Daniel, Janet and us two having sex."

He continues to stare at you in confusion until with a shocked look at the phone his memory finally starts to return, causing you to grin and pat your stomach. "See."

The End

Continues in 'Phones and Drunken Excuses'


	3. Phones and Drunken Excuses

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Title: Phones and Drunken Excuses

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Author: Secret Art

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E-mail: 

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Website: 

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Date: 25th May 2004

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Rating: R

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Category: romance, humour?

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Pairings: Sam/Jack

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Spoilers: brief mention of the NID

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Summary: "Tequila plus me and Jack Daniels plus you equals lots of craziness" Takes place a month before 'Drinks and Broken Cars' and 'Exhaustion and Caring Doctors'

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Archive: Wherever you want, I'm not fussy

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Feedback: can only make me better

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Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

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Author's note: I make no apologies for the fact it is insane, it's supposed to be. This was originally going to be one longer fic however real life and exams got in the way so I've had to split it into two parts to give me time to focus on my exams before I complete the second half.

Jack's POV

The phone rings and you look longingly at the glass of Jack Daniels you just poured before sighing and moving to answer it.

"O'Neill"

"Hi Jack" a familiar voice replies, however it takes you a second to place it.

"Carter?"

"Do you have to be so formal? After all, we are off duty. You hear what sounds like a glass clicking, "and we have been formal for so long."

"Carter what's going on?"

You hear her sigh, the one that means 'how dumb are you' before explaining. "Well I sat down with Janet and we talked. She said I was wasting my life and I told her she was silly and then we talked some more. Mainly about girly stuff so I won't explain. Anyway I came back and found a bottle of tequila in a cupboard and decided to drink it which probably explains why I'm talking so much." Because you are so quiet normally, you think. "Anyway I think I've drunk maybe two thirds of the bottle, I was going to do some scientific calculations but I'm kind of inebriated so doubt I would be exact. Then the phone, or it might have been the plant, I can't really remember told me to call you, kept calling me a wimp. So finally to shut it or them up I called you, which is why I'm having a conversation with you now, or well I'm talking and you are listening. You have been listening right? Colonel?"

Trying to stem the laughter that has been bubbling since she mentioned talking plants, you take a deep breath.

"I hear you Carter."

"Sam, call me Sam."

"Ok then, Sam, what exactly is the point of this phone call?"

"Haven't you been listening?"

You sigh, reaching out and grabbing the glass, downing the contents in one, pouring yourself another one and you consider how to best end this conversation as quickly as possible.

"Colonel?" she sounds pissed, in both meanings of the word and you realise that time is up.

"Carter" she growls over the phone and you quickly correct, "Sam, I heard what you said and I think that you should probably sleep on what Janet said, as I'm not really sure you can trust talking plants." You cough, trying to hide the laugh that escaped, "and you can call me back in the morning and we'll talk about it ok?"

"Jack," you are pretty sure that if you could see her now she would be pouting, and you reach for the bottle of Jack Daniels. "I'm horny" and spit out the mouthful of it all over yourself, chocking on some of it, and you cannot help but wonder why you are in this mess, after all horny drunk majors were never in the job specifications. "Jack, baby, are you all right?"

"Carter I'm fine. Your not. Now I am ordering you to go get some coffee, a lot of it and then sleep it off. Now I'm going to put the phone down Carter and I am ordering you not to phone me again tonight. Understood?"

"But I was thinking, phone sex probably wouldn't break…" You put the phone down; not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence, as you know Carter would regret it in the morning.

You consider unplugging the phone but decide against it as if anyone else needed to get in touch they would not be able to, after all the Asguard did have awful timing, and you could always just put the phone down on Carter again.

Moving back to your seat you collapse onto it, mulling over what she had said, and you find yourself wondering whether phone sex would be against regulations, as your are pretty sure that that is what the rest of her sentence would have been.

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Half an hour and most of the bottle later you are seriously considering taking Sam up on her offer, although you might have to check with Daniel about the regulation breaking.

You have picked up the phone and pressed redial before your alcohol fogged brain has a chance to catch up.

"Hello?" She sounds slightly upset and you wonder if you hurt her feelings.

"Sam?"

"Jack!" She giggles happily and you have a passing thought on how much alcohol she has drunk in the past thirty minutes. "I was upset because the plants started yelling at me because I wasn't talking to you, but I couldn't because you had ordered me not to and because I'm a good little soldier I followed your orders, because you are a good leader but I don't like our relationship like that because I like you a lot. Wow I included a lot of because, guess I'm trying to explain it a lot more than I need to."

You had been laughing, up until the 'I like you a lot' bit, which had almost sobered you up, at least for a few seconds. "You like me?"

"Of course I do silly, if I didn't like you I wouldn't want phone sex with you," oh boy, "and more." She finishes in a stage whisper, causing you to laugh. "Hey! I'm being serious, if this isn't what you want why did you phone me?"

"Because I wanted to hear your vice. And I like the sound of your idea but we may need to check with Daniel whether it would be breaking rules."

"Call him on your portable phone thingy."

"Mobile?"

"Yeah, that. Call him on your mobile and that way you can tell me what he says."

You put the phone down on the counter and move to your coat, searching the pockets until you realise that you left your mobile on the counter. Swearing to yourself you reach over for it, miss it and nearly fall over, just managing to grab the counter edge in time. Keeping a hold of the counter you reach for the mobile, clasping it firmly in your hand before slowly moving over to the couch, giving yourself time to identify which of the two couches is real.

Sitting down on the right one, you pick the home phone back up and rest it against your ear before dialling Daniel's house on your mobile, trying to ignore Sam's drunken singing in your ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey Danny boy." You hear or should that be don't hear Sam as she stops singing and listens to the conversation.

"Jack? It's a bit late for a chat."

You hear him yawn and glance at the clock, not having realised how late it was getting.

"Me and Sam have a question for you."

"Since when have you called her Sam?"

You grin, "since she called me and we discussed our lack of a relationship."

He yawns again. "And why are you calling me?"

"Because you are clever, and she said that she was too drunk to be clever, and I'm not clever and since you are clever and sober, I hope, we thought you might know."

You hear Sam laugh and suddenly realise that she is only hearing your half of the conversation.

Daniel sighs, and you wonder why he is still sober. "Know what?"

"Whether phone sex breaks the regulations."

There is silence at the other end of the phone and you think that you can probably hear his mind whirring. "Sam is not at your place?"

You wonder why he changed the topic, but he is the brainy one so you go along. "No, she is on the phone. Well the house phone, and you are on the mobile, otherwise you would be able to hear her humming."

"Listen to me Jack very carefully. I want you and Sam to put the phone down and wait for me."

"You want to be a part of it?"

"What? No. I am going to come over and prevent it. Now Jack, put the phone down on Sam."

"Ok." You pick up the home phone. "Sam honey."

"Yes?"

"Daniel is being a spoil sport. Says I have to put the phone down on you."

"Do I have to put the phone down on you?"

"Yes." You hear her sigh, and hope Daniel knows what he is doing. "But space monkey is coming over; I think he is going to work it all out for us."

"Yay!" You can hear her clapping. "Call me back as soon as it's sorted."

"Of course." She puts the phone down and you listen to the dial tone for a few seconds before picking the mobile back up.

"Jack, I did not say I was going to sort it out!" You move the phone away from your ear, laughing slightly at how fatherly and mad Daniel sounds.

Slowly moving the phone back you can hear deep breathing on the other side and think that he is probably counting to ten to stop from yelling, after all that is supposed to help.

"Daniel," you say softly, well as softly as a drunken, grey haired colonel can be. "Why are you coming over if you aren't going to sort things out?"

"Jack," he sighs and you wonder if he ever thought he would have to deal with two drunken, horny air force officers. "I am going to sort things out, just not the way you think."

"Oh." You look at the now near empty bottle of Jack Daniels and wonder if you have any more. "Daniel."

"What?"

"I'm drinking us." You giggle loudly, then get slightly disturbed, air force Colonels do not giggle. But air force Majors do, they giggle very nicely, especially they blonde haired one you know.

"So you finally got around to drinking that bottle of Jack Daniels. Didn't Teal'c buy that last Christmas, to remind you that we are supposed to be friends?"

"Yeah." You move over to the other drinks you have. "Can I call Sam and chat, just chat I promise, well maybe rude chat but just chat, while you are driving here?"

"No!"

"But…"

"Jack, listen to me. You are drunk, and you said before that Sam is too and that makes both of you dangers to yourselves."

"I would never hurt Sam. I care about her this much." You hold you arms wide apart, causing the phone to fall to the ground; and you to lose your balance, ending up on the floor next to the phone. Laughing as you suddenly realise that Daniel has no idea how much 'this much' is, you pick the phone back up. "I like her a lot."

"And she likes you a lot and normally that isn't a problem as you both know the limitations of the regulations. However I suppose recent missions have been quite stressful and that has probably caused both of you to wonder whether it is worth losing your personal lives when you might die tomorrow."

"Isn't that just the way to cheer a guy up." You toast the TV with your new glass, briefly wondering what Homer Simpson would do in your situation.

"Jack, shut up and listen. Both of you have doubts, and the alcohol has made you both more confident in expressing those doubts, and if I don't stop you it could get worse in a lot of ways. For starters the NID could be listening to your conversations, if I didn't make you put the phone down then either one of you could have said something you will regret tomorrow, if you haven't already, and I have to stop there because you are giving me a headache. Jack I am going to put the phone down and I want you to wait quietly for me to arrive. Just watch the TV or something and don't call Sam."

"Yes Dad."

He puts the phone down and you switch the TV on, wondering how many Simpson's episodes you can get through waiting for Daniel to arrive.


	4. Phones and Drunken Excuses Part 2

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Title: Phones and Drunken Excuses - part 2

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Author: Secret Art

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E-mail: 

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Website: 

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Date: 1st August 2004

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Rating: R

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Category: Romance, humour?

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Pairings: Sam/Jack, Janet/Daniel

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Spoilers: none - continuance of Phones and Drunken Excuses

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Summary: "Tequila plus me and Jack Daniels plus you equals lots of craziness"

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Archive: where ever you want, I'm not fussy

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Feedback: can only make me better

****

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

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Author's note: Finally got round to finishing this after way too many exams and a holiday, hope it's worth the wait.

Oh, and I made up the number of bedrooms in Jack's house, can't remember if it was ever mentioned during an episode, so I just used as many as I needed.

Jack's POV

A knock at the door wakens you from your drunken nap, and you look up to see that your Simpson's DVD has finished.

Switching off the TV you move to the door, smiling when you manage it only bumping into a corner once.

Opening the door, you find Daniel stood outside, looking exhausted yet wide awake, and you wonder how many coffees he has had.

He looks past the driveway to the road, checking each car, looking for something.

"Lost something?"

He looks straight at you. "Sam's car is not here."

"That's because she's not here. Remember? You told me not to contact her so I didn't."

He looks at you oddly, surprised. "You did what I told you to do?"

You give him a look that's supposed to mean 'of course', but must look more like 'what?' as he barges past, looking carefully for any signs of anything out of place.

"Now you're here can I phone Sam again?"

He turns around and glares at you before turning back and looking at the empty alcohol bottles scattered on the floor.

You rack your brain for an excuse and it takes you longer than you would have liked for your alcohol soaked brain to work something out. "I promised her I'd phone as soon as you sorted it out for us."

"It's not sorted yet." He is starting to sound annoyed so you shut up, collapsing on the floor by the TV, grabbing the DVDs and trying, unsuccessfully, to build a tower as Daniel continues to search.

You watch out of the corner of your eye as Daniel opens your drinks cabinet, looking at iy as he does with all those annoying artefacts, and alien chicks.

He suddenly looks at you, his face horrified. "Where is Sam?"

"She's at her house remember. You wouldn't let her come over."

He looks at the phone. "I'd better get someone to check up on her."

You shrug your shoulders, far more interested in the DVD tower that is now taking shape. You do however listen to his conversation, hoping that he does not send anyone nasty round to Sam's.

"Hi Janet it's me…No, everything's fine…I'm at Jack's…He's fine, just very drunk…Long story, but I do need you to check up on Sam…I'm sure she'll be only too happy, and drunk enough, to fill you in…Ok, thanks…Bye."

You pretend not to notice as Daniel puts the phone down and moves over to you, looking up only when his body blocks the light so you cannot see you tower.

You try to plaster an innocent looking expression onto your face. "What is happening?"

"Janet is going to look after Sam, make sure she is ok."

You jump up, knocking the tower over. "How will we know if she is ok, we will have to go look for ourselves."

"Janet will phone when she arrives, you are going nowhere."

You collapse back onto the floor, sulking at the prospect of not seeing Sam.

"Will Janet bring Sam over?"

Daniel puts his head in his hands, a sign that you associate with stress. "If I give you more alcohol will you shut up?"

You grin, holding out your hands, nodding profusely. "Please Sir, can I have some more?"

He rolls his eyes, grabbing a bottle out of the cabinet, looking towards the glasses before shaking his head, uncapping the bottle and giving the whole thing to you.

You greedily accept, taking great big mouthfuls. You suddenly pause, looking towards the slightly fuzzy Daniel, who is looking at you intently with all four eyes.

"Do you want some?" You ask, holding out the bottle, nearly spilling some of it onto the floor in the process.

He just looks at you in half horror, half amusement, almost as you were some alien artefact whose instructions Daniel had yet to decipher, so he is not sure whether you are dangerous or not.

Finding this hilarious you burst out laughing, and you would roll around on the floor, except that might spill the alcohol so instead you settle for your free fist on the floor, whilst gasping for breath between laughs.

He storms into your kitchen, causing you to stop laughing, puzzled at his behaviour.

You watch the doorway, waiting for him to return, not trusting your legs to keep you upright long enough to find out what he is doing.

You are distracted by the phone ringing, so you crawl across the floor, bottle still in hand and manage to grab the phone on the first attempt.

"Hello?"

"Colonel O'Neill?" You don't recognise the voice immediately, but the drunken yell of "Jack!" in the background is instantly recognisable.

"Sam?"

"No, Janet. I need to speak to Daniel."

You look towards the kitchen. "Can't see Daniel."

You hear her sign over the phone. "Shout for him then."

"Ok." You drop the phone, dragging yourself closer to the kitchen. "Daniel?" Hearing nothing you move closer. "Janet wants to talk to you."

Hearing movement you stop, Daniel's face peering round the doorframe.

You silently point at the phone, Daniel's hurt posture making you feel uncomfortable.

You watch him walk over to the phone, not saying a word.

"Hello?…Hi Janet…Ok, good…She what?!…I don't know if that is a good idea…Seriously?…Ok, seeing as you don't have a choice…I'll tell him the good news…Ok, bye."

He turns to look at you, his face unreadable.

"Sam ,well I won't go into any details. Janet is going to have to bring her over."

You smile, clapping your hands, your eyes pleading for forgiveness for whatever you did wrong.

He nods, smiling slightly. "It could be fun, but you have to promise to try and behave."

"Yes Sir."

You turn your face to the window, waiting for the car to arrive, periodically taking gulps from your bottle.

"Jack." You ignore him, willing Sam to arrive sooner.

He moves in front of you, blocking your view of the window, forcing you to look at him.

"Normally I wouldn't ask this, but to be honest I'm not sure I trust your judgement at the moment. Are you sure that you will be ok when Sam and Janet get here, because you know nothing can happen right?"

"It's going to be pretty boring if all we do is sit in a room in silence," you joke.

He doesn't get a chance to respond as you both hear the sound of a car approaching and turn to look through the window.

You watch with a smile as Janet's car stops outside your house, Sam opening the door and nearly falling out, her seatbelt preventing her from moving much.

She looks up at the window, spotting you and waving madly.

You stumble to the door, opening it just in time to see Janet drag Sam out of the car, kicking the door closed and helping the drunk Major up the driveway.

Daniel barges past you, blocking any chance of you getting at Sam first.

You watch in amusement as she falls into Daniel's arms, trying to hug him. "Hi Daniel." She tries to whisper in his ear, only forgets to speak quietly, causing you to laugh and Janet to blush. "Janet wanted to see you, I think she likes you, a lot more than she is supposed to."

You wait rather impatiently for her to finish hugging him, deciding that she mustn't have seen you.

You tap her on the head, giving her a lop sided grin as she raises her head in confusion.

"Jack!" She lets go of Daniel, falling into your arms, resting her head on your shoulder. "Your comfy."

You rest your head on hers, closing your eyes, content to stay that way forever, enjoying the sensation of being so close to her.

You open your eyes in confusion as she is pulled from you, watching as she fights Janet, who is trying to drag her away from you.

You turn to Daniel. "Where they going?"

He shakes his head, pulling your arm to make sure you keep up as he walks you in the direction they went.

You spot Sam on the floor, twirling one of your DVDs round her finger, watching it in fascination.

Janet is stood above her, shaking her head before turning towards you with a sigh.

Daniel walks past you, standing next to Janet, his eyes on Sam.

"How is she?"

"Very drunk. She's a lot calmer know she's here though."

"Jack would get upset if I hurt his stuff. Then he wouldn't like me anymore." She tilts her head up, grinning at her two friends.

You sit down next to her, grabbing the disc off her finger and using it to start another tower.

"Nasty." She reaches across you to pick up another disc, brushing her chest across your legs, her hand lingering over your crotch, the blood already being diverted away from your head.

Looking at her in shock she winks at you, smiling slyly as she turns her attention back to her finger.

Deciding that two can play at that game you climb up, pulling out a bottle of something, the label is too blurry to read. Pausing behind Sam, you 'accidentally' spill some onto her neck, watching as it dribbles down to the front of the shirt, causing her to shriek.

"jack!"

Sitting down in front of her , you lean in close, "I'm sorry," licking the liquid off her neck, following it's path down to her shirt.

Raising your head you find yourself looking straight into her eyes, you lips so close that if you just moved your head forward a…

"Alright, that's enough. Time to break up this party." Janet forces her way between the two of you, causing you to groan.

Moving your head slightly you can just see Sam's face. She smiles cheekily at you, mouths "later," and is pulled to her feet by Daniel and dragged into your kitchen.

"So Colonel, what are we going to do with you?"

You look up at her, the expression on her face matching that which you always see her give Cassie when she did anything wrong. "Anything but the needles and it's fine with me."

She sighs, shaking her head, perching on the edge of the table next to you. "You and Sam do have to stop this."

"Stop what?"

"This whole 'more than just good friends' thing you both seem to want so badly. I've tried to talk to her about it but she's too drunk to care, so I'm asking you, for both your sakes, to stop this before it goes any further."

You drop your head, feeling slightly guilty for what you must be putting them through, frowning as you hear things being broken in the kitchen.

"Tell Daniel to put Sam in the single room, she'll probably pass out as soon as she's lying down." you look about, trying to remember how many bedrooms you have. "You and Daniel can share the double room, it's the one he normally uses anyway; Teal'c likes sleeping on the couch for some reason."

She looks at you in shock, " what makes you think that I'm not happy to take the couch?"

You stand up, patting her on the shoulder as you pass, "everyone knows about you and Daniel, but, if you really want, the couch is all yours. I'm going to bed."

Collapsing into your bed you hear the others as they lock up, putting Sam to bed before turning in themselves.

It's barely five minutes before you hear her door open, your ears picking up the unusual noise they probably, hopefully, missed.

You don't hear her walking down the corridor, jumping slightly when your door opens, her head appearing in the gap.

You sit up, holding out a hand for her. She moves into your room, gently closing the door before moving to sit on your lap.

You smile, "Now, where were we?" Grabbing her lips in a passionate kiss, her hands already moving to take your top off.

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You are woken by the smell of freshly brewed coffee and wince as you open your eyes.

Feeling very confused, and rather naked, you dress, walking into your kitchen, surprised to find Daniel, Janet and Sam sat drinking coffee, the latter looking as bad as you feel.

"What?…What are you guys doing here?"

They all turn to look at you in surprise.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Daniel asks, putting down his mug.

"It was…I think I was watching TV, I remember wanting something to drink, and I think I remember a phone ringing."

Janet gives Sam a meaningful glare, causing her to blush and duck her head.

"What happened?"

"Well, basically, you invited us over, and got a bit drunk. Oh, and I sorted out your Simpson's DVDs for you."

You look at him in horror. "What happened to them?"

"You tried to build towers, Sam twirled them on her finger and Janet stayed up half the night watching them…Don't worry they're fine…I hope."

You look towards the two women, both of them finding the table very interesting; and you can feel your headache getting worse.

"How come I don't remember any of this?"

Janet silently points at the collection of empty alcohol bottles stood up next to the bin.

"I drank them all?!"

"Apparently." Daniel shrugs his shoulders, finishing off the last of his coffee before climbing to his feet. "I should really get going. I'm sure your memory will return, eventually."

Sam stands up next, turning to face Janet. "you'll have to give me a lift home, seeing as you're the one that brought me here."

The doctor rises, looking at you before turning back to her. "I'm amazed you remember anything of last night, let alone all of it."

Sam gives you a look that tells you a lot more than you were told happened last night. "Something like that is impossible to forget, at least for me anyway."

After saying goodbye, all three leave you, and walk through the house, glad to find only a few plates in the kitchen broken and all the spare beds looking used.

Collapsing on the couch you decide that first of all you'll take a headache pill with some coffee, and then you'll check to see just how 'fine' your Simpson DVD's are.


End file.
